Latest Before and After Photos

Right, time for some up to date body and eczema photos! (These will be added to the photos tab above also)

This before photo was taken last year. I'd put a further stone on after this was taken but avoided photos thereafter for obvious reasons. The second one shows me with my "fat" jeans. I wish I'd taken measurements in January but this shows how many inches I've lost.

 

The following is a before and after shot of my eczema. The first shot is not even at its worst.

Where Have I Gone?

Just a quick post because I figure I should explain why the videos have been changed to private and why I've stopped posting a daily blog.

Well, to be honest, life has got on top of me and I'm starting to think my honesty is not a good thing. What I mean is that I'm too open. Before blogs were invented I would have cringed if somebody had found my diary (as in on paper) so why all of a sudden do I want to share my deep and meaningfuls with the world?? Its okay if its positive or funny stuff but over the last few day I've bared my soul. I've left those posts up but the videos have been changed to private.

A lot of stuff has happened in the last few days, one of which has had me questioning life. Seeing a four year old girl laughing at her birthday party, but knowing at the same time she won't live long enough for her next one has hit me hard. On top of that a relative is very ill.

I don't know if I shall go back to blogging quite so personally again. I'll just stick to recipes, articles etc I think. I've decided to shut myself off from the internet for a while and relax. The Clear Skin Programme had took me back to diet mentality. I've not had that for the four months of juicing but as soon as I started the programme it came back. I don't feel like it through a detox but I have done for the last week. I came off of it at the weekend and feel free again.

Anyway, since shutting myself away from the internet this last few days, my eczema is easing off. I assume its because I'm not anxious? Who knows.

Enough of the analysing and amateur psychology. In the words of the Terminator...I'll be back....

Day 5 - Disaster! Am I a fraud or can it be fixed??

Day 5 of the Clear Skin Programme

 1:01 pm

As I type this I'm listening to Jasons Slim For Life Reboot CD. I should be giving it my full attention I know.

Anyway, disaster has struck. I've given up. I'm only 5 days in and I've given up. How pathetic is that??

I've spent 3 days drinking a green juice all day and a bit of fruit. I lost 3 lb in that time. Yesterday I had the same juice, a salad and a soup. They were all yummy now I've altered the juice recipe quantities.I've just weighed myself to find I've lost another pound. 4 lb in 4 days. So...why am I now sat next to a packet of biscuits??

I've just filmed a video, but for those who aren't in a position to view it, here is some bits and bobs. For the last 4 months I've not felt deprived. I didn't even feel deprived doing the detox. Why? Because there was an end to it. After that I could eat what I wanted to IF I wanted to. Which I didn't.

However, doing this 30 day programme I have a set menu and even at the end of the 30 day programme, I can't go back to eating stuff I know I shouldn't have, even if I DON'T want to. Does that make sense? I feel deprived. My hubby just pointed out that I still have a choice. Do I eat what will irritate my eczema? No. So why do I feel like I have no choice? Because I will know those things hurt me so it would be stupid to have them.

Somebody said to me today about how our mind affects our skin. How our past can be unresolved. I kind of understand but thinking about it did lead me to a revelation.

I've realised what a love/hate relationship I have with my body. For years before I met my hubby I was beaten and mentally abused by boyfriends. Yes, plural. I learned to hate myself. I learned to hate my mind, my body and my skin.

Now think about it like this. If somebody hated you so much that they hurt you, would you not hate them back? If you were being nice to them and they continued to hurt you, wouldn't you want to hurt them back? Well that's the relationship I have with my body. I hate my body and my body got fat and made me ill. Then I tried to be nice to it by detoxing, putting fruit and veg in etc. Did my body repay me? Well, sort of. It got slimmer and some of my health problems went. However, it still attacked me from the outside. No matter how nice I am to it, my eczema gets horrid and then I hate myself again. When I hate myself I then stop caring about my body and I hurt it with what I eat. It then in return hurts me with weight gain and eczema. Vicious cycle. 

Anyway, I figure that is whats going on. I'm now back in the "arseholes to my body" stage again. I'm eating these biscuits as I type in a defiant way. The kind of defiance I never had in those relationships. I have a hubby now who loves me and compliments me, so why do I still hate myself so much?

I'm wondering now if I'm getting too open about things?? Maybe I should stop the blog, stop the diary etc. I asked yesterday for comments about if to carry on the video and not one comment was made. Speaks for itself eh.

2:27 pm

I've been listening to his CD on and off and he's just said something that hit a nerve "Don't hit the sugar button". Yep, I hit it and I'm sat here totally dissatisfied. I'm like that mouse that he talks about in his book. I'm so annoyed at myself. I demolished the whole packet of biscuits. I soooo wanted a breakout afterwards so that I could see how stupid I've been....but nothing. Not even a tingle!!!! WHY?!

Sigh, so angry at myself for undoing the last 4 days. I DON'T want to go back to the 3 days of green juices. :-(

To view todays video diary (filmed at midday) please click here.

Day 4 - Extra video diary entry....

Feeling crap. This extra video diary speaks for itself. Click here to view

Day 4 - Meals at last!

Day 4 of the Clear Skin Programme 

I'm starting this blog post on Day 3. I've already published a post but now my hands are itching for the first time since Day 2 so I wanted to make a note of it for future reference:

Day 3 - 5:35 pm

My eczema is itching on my right hand. I'm not burning or anything but it definitely wants scratching. It's dry on my hands but I'm reluctant to put my Hydromol on because that makes it red and burn just lately. I'm not doing the coconut oil for another 3 hours. That is too greasy to put on now whilst I'm doing little ones dinner. Anyway, for future reference, today other than my juices I've had mango, pineapple and melon in the morning. I had a banana an hour or so ago.

Day 4 - 12:56 pm

As a wise man once said: "To parmesan or not to parmesan? That is the question " lol

Day 4 and I can finally have a soup or salad. I'm putting for a salad because I want to get my teeth around something meaty. Oo-er missus!

Anyway, the recipe calls for parmesan cheese. Now, I'm unsure about if dairy affects me or not. When I did the 7/7 plan I broke out after the yoghurt smoothie. HOWEVER, was it because I'd spent all day expecting it to happen. Remember, I do also scratch with anxiety.

Sooooo....I've bought parmesan but don't know as yet if to add it. After all, the recipe also calls for chicken which is another suspect. Then on the other hand, both might be fine but I'll scratch due to thinking they won't be! Decisions, decisions.... 

1:33 pm

Well, I had one of the salads for lunch. The Warm, Organic, Free Range Chicken & Avocado Salad. View the recipe by clicking here.

I altered it to my own tastes which I've included in the notes on the above link.

3:28 pm

My eczema has been odd today. I'm finding its itching slightly but more because of dryness. I get different itches. When its food related (in my opinion) it tends to swell up and go red. It feels like its on fire from the inside. Today its due to dryness. You see, I've stopped using my Hydromol as a moisturiser. I'm still using it to wash in and still getting the redness as a result. The only moisturising I'm doing is with the coconut oil at night. I'm thinking I may take a bit of time in the day with the coconut oil on my hands and wear cotton gloves? 

Updated photos can be seen by clicking here or the photos tab above.

18:52pm

Just finished Jason Vales Orange Soup. Click here to view the recipe. Yummy!

I've also just filmed and uploaded todays diary. To view todays video diary click here.

I'm thinking also whether its worth doing the video diary. I'm averaging 15 views a day so I'm not sure its worth it. Maybe just doing the blog? What do you think? Please comment below.

Recipe: Warm, Organic, Free Range Chicken & Avocado Salad

This is from the Jason Vale Clear Skin Programme with my own notes below of how I altered it.

Warm, Organic, Free Range Chicken & Avocado Salad.

Ingredients

2 skinless chicken breasts (free range organic)

1 large ripe avo-piggin-cado (as they're known)

50g fresh parmesan

Virgin olive oil

1 bag wild rocket

1 lemon

How to make:

Place the chicken under the grill and grill for 20 minutes until cooked. Meanwhile simply wash the rocket and place in a salad bowl.

Remove the avo-piggin-cado flesh, chop into generous chunks and add to the rocket.

Remove the chicken from the grill, cut into generous chunks and add to the salad.

Using a peeler or sharp knife, *shave* thin slices of the parmesan over the salad.

Cut the lemon in half and squeeze the juice over the salad along with the olive oil.

Pour the pesto over the salad and serve.

My Personal Notes:

Well, firstly it didn't have pesto in the ingredients but I figured maybe it needed to be in it? I added just a teaspoon as I've not had it before. I grilled the chicken for 6 minutes on my George Foreman grill. I didn't use a whole bag of rocket as that seemed a bit extreme. However, I had a bag of watercress, spinach and rocket which I used a couple of handfulls of. 

I also dithered about using parmesan because of the whole dairy eczema thing. However, as its a clear skin programme aimed at eczema and psoriasis I figured I'd try it out. 

It turned out to be very yummy! 

Recipe - Jason Vales Orange Soup

This is from the Jason Vale Clear Skin Programme with my own notes below of how I altered it.

Orange Soup

Ingredients

1/2 Butternut Squash
1 small Red Onion
1 tbsp vegetable oil
3 medium carrots
1 vegetable stock cube

How to make:

Peel the butternut squash and remove the seeds. Peel the carrots and red onion and chop all the vegetables into small chunks.

Prepare the stock by dissolving the stock cube into 600 ml (1 pint) of boiling water.

In a large saucepan heat the oil and add all the vegetables and season with black pepper. Gently sweat the vegetables in the pan with the lid on for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the stock, bring to the boil and simmer for 10 minutes

Remove from heat and using a blender (hand or jug) blend the soup until smooth. Pour into a bowl and enjoy.

My Personal Notes

I decided to double the recipe so I can freeze some to save me time another day. Can I just add that butternut squashes are a pain in the proverbial to peel!!!!

It made enough for 4 people in the end! And its yummy! :-)