Where Have I Gone?

Just a quick post because I figure I should explain why the videos have been changed to private and why I've stopped posting a daily blog.

Well, to be honest, life has got on top of me and I'm starting to think my honesty is not a good thing. What I mean is that I'm too open. Before blogs were invented I would have cringed if somebody had found my diary (as in on paper) so why all of a sudden do I want to share my deep and meaningfuls with the world?? Its okay if its positive or funny stuff but over the last few day I've bared my soul. I've left those posts up but the videos have been changed to private.

A lot of stuff has happened in the last few days, one of which has had me questioning life. Seeing a four year old girl laughing at her birthday party, but knowing at the same time she won't live long enough for her next one has hit me hard. On top of that a relative is very ill.

I don't know if I shall go back to blogging quite so personally again. I'll just stick to recipes, articles etc I think. I've decided to shut myself off from the internet for a while and relax. The Clear Skin Programme had took me back to diet mentality. I've not had that for the four months of juicing but as soon as I started the programme it came back. I don't feel like it through a detox but I have done for the last week. I came off of it at the weekend and feel free again.

Anyway, since shutting myself away from the internet this last few days, my eczema is easing off. I assume its because I'm not anxious? Who knows.

Enough of the analysing and amateur psychology. In the words of the Terminator...I'll be back....

Day 5 - Disaster! Am I a fraud or can it be fixed??

Day 5 of the Clear Skin Programme

 1:01 pm

As I type this I'm listening to Jasons Slim For Life Reboot CD. I should be giving it my full attention I know.

Anyway, disaster has struck. I've given up. I'm only 5 days in and I've given up. How pathetic is that??

I've spent 3 days drinking a green juice all day and a bit of fruit. I lost 3 lb in that time. Yesterday I had the same juice, a salad and a soup. They were all yummy now I've altered the juice recipe quantities.I've just weighed myself to find I've lost another pound. 4 lb in 4 days. So...why am I now sat next to a packet of biscuits??

I've just filmed a video, but for those who aren't in a position to view it, here is some bits and bobs. For the last 4 months I've not felt deprived. I didn't even feel deprived doing the detox. Why? Because there was an end to it. After that I could eat what I wanted to IF I wanted to. Which I didn't.

However, doing this 30 day programme I have a set menu and even at the end of the 30 day programme, I can't go back to eating stuff I know I shouldn't have, even if I DON'T want to. Does that make sense? I feel deprived. My hubby just pointed out that I still have a choice. Do I eat what will irritate my eczema? No. So why do I feel like I have no choice? Because I will know those things hurt me so it would be stupid to have them.

Somebody said to me today about how our mind affects our skin. How our past can be unresolved. I kind of understand but thinking about it did lead me to a revelation.

I've realised what a love/hate relationship I have with my body. For years before I met my hubby I was beaten and mentally abused by boyfriends. Yes, plural. I learned to hate myself. I learned to hate my mind, my body and my skin.

Now think about it like this. If somebody hated you so much that they hurt you, would you not hate them back? If you were being nice to them and they continued to hurt you, wouldn't you want to hurt them back? Well that's the relationship I have with my body. I hate my body and my body got fat and made me ill. Then I tried to be nice to it by detoxing, putting fruit and veg in etc. Did my body repay me? Well, sort of. It got slimmer and some of my health problems went. However, it still attacked me from the outside. No matter how nice I am to it, my eczema gets horrid and then I hate myself again. When I hate myself I then stop caring about my body and I hurt it with what I eat. It then in return hurts me with weight gain and eczema. Vicious cycle. 

Anyway, I figure that is whats going on. I'm now back in the "arseholes to my body" stage again. I'm eating these biscuits as I type in a defiant way. The kind of defiance I never had in those relationships. I have a hubby now who loves me and compliments me, so why do I still hate myself so much?

I'm wondering now if I'm getting too open about things?? Maybe I should stop the blog, stop the diary etc. I asked yesterday for comments about if to carry on the video and not one comment was made. Speaks for itself eh.

2:27 pm

I've been listening to his CD on and off and he's just said something that hit a nerve "Don't hit the sugar button". Yep, I hit it and I'm sat here totally dissatisfied. I'm like that mouse that he talks about in his book. I'm so annoyed at myself. I demolished the whole packet of biscuits. I soooo wanted a breakout afterwards so that I could see how stupid I've been....but nothing. Not even a tingle!!!! WHY?!

Sigh, so angry at myself for undoing the last 4 days. I DON'T want to go back to the 3 days of green juices. :-(

To view todays video diary (filmed at midday) please click here.

Day 4 - Extra video diary entry....

Feeling crap. This extra video diary speaks for itself. Click here to view

Day 4 - Meals at last!

Day 4 of the Clear Skin Programme 

I'm starting this blog post on Day 3. I've already published a post but now my hands are itching for the first time since Day 2 so I wanted to make a note of it for future reference:

Day 3 - 5:35 pm

My eczema is itching on my right hand. I'm not burning or anything but it definitely wants scratching. It's dry on my hands but I'm reluctant to put my Hydromol on because that makes it red and burn just lately. I'm not doing the coconut oil for another 3 hours. That is too greasy to put on now whilst I'm doing little ones dinner. Anyway, for future reference, today other than my juices I've had mango, pineapple and melon in the morning. I had a banana an hour or so ago.

Day 4 - 12:56 pm

As a wise man once said: "To parmesan or not to parmesan? That is the question " lol

Day 4 and I can finally have a soup or salad. I'm putting for a salad because I want to get my teeth around something meaty. Oo-er missus!

Anyway, the recipe calls for parmesan cheese. Now, I'm unsure about if dairy affects me or not. When I did the 7/7 plan I broke out after the yoghurt smoothie. HOWEVER, was it because I'd spent all day expecting it to happen. Remember, I do also scratch with anxiety.

Sooooo....I've bought parmesan but don't know as yet if to add it. After all, the recipe also calls for chicken which is another suspect. Then on the other hand, both might be fine but I'll scratch due to thinking they won't be! Decisions, decisions.... 

1:33 pm

Well, I had one of the salads for lunch. The Warm, Organic, Free Range Chicken & Avocado Salad. View the recipe by clicking here.

I altered it to my own tastes which I've included in the notes on the above link.

3:28 pm

My eczema has been odd today. I'm finding its itching slightly but more because of dryness. I get different itches. When its food related (in my opinion) it tends to swell up and go red. It feels like its on fire from the inside. Today its due to dryness. You see, I've stopped using my Hydromol as a moisturiser. I'm still using it to wash in and still getting the redness as a result. The only moisturising I'm doing is with the coconut oil at night. I'm thinking I may take a bit of time in the day with the coconut oil on my hands and wear cotton gloves? 

Updated photos can be seen by clicking here or the photos tab above.

18:52pm

Just finished Jason Vales Orange Soup. Click here to view the recipe. Yummy!

I've also just filmed and uploaded todays diary. To view todays video diary click here.

I'm thinking also whether its worth doing the video diary. I'm averaging 15 views a day so I'm not sure its worth it. Maybe just doing the blog? What do you think? Please comment below.

Recipe: Warm, Organic, Free Range Chicken & Avocado Salad

This is from the Jason Vale Clear Skin Programme with my own notes below of how I altered it.

Warm, Organic, Free Range Chicken & Avocado Salad.

Ingredients

2 skinless chicken breasts (free range organic)

1 large ripe avo-piggin-cado (as they're known)

50g fresh parmesan

Virgin olive oil

1 bag wild rocket

1 lemon

How to make:

Place the chicken under the grill and grill for 20 minutes until cooked. Meanwhile simply wash the rocket and place in a salad bowl.

Remove the avo-piggin-cado flesh, chop into generous chunks and add to the rocket.

Remove the chicken from the grill, cut into generous chunks and add to the salad.

Using a peeler or sharp knife, *shave* thin slices of the parmesan over the salad.

Cut the lemon in half and squeeze the juice over the salad along with the olive oil.

Pour the pesto over the salad and serve.

My Personal Notes:

Well, firstly it didn't have pesto in the ingredients but I figured maybe it needed to be in it? I added just a teaspoon as I've not had it before. I grilled the chicken for 6 minutes on my George Foreman grill. I didn't use a whole bag of rocket as that seemed a bit extreme. However, I had a bag of watercress, spinach and rocket which I used a couple of handfulls of. 

I also dithered about using parmesan because of the whole dairy eczema thing. However, as its a clear skin programme aimed at eczema and psoriasis I figured I'd try it out. 

It turned out to be very yummy! 

Recipe - Jason Vales Orange Soup

This is from the Jason Vale Clear Skin Programme with my own notes below of how I altered it.

Orange Soup

Ingredients

1/2 Butternut Squash
1 small Red Onion
1 tbsp vegetable oil
3 medium carrots
1 vegetable stock cube

How to make:

Peel the butternut squash and remove the seeds. Peel the carrots and red onion and chop all the vegetables into small chunks.

Prepare the stock by dissolving the stock cube into 600 ml (1 pint) of boiling water.

In a large saucepan heat the oil and add all the vegetables and season with black pepper. Gently sweat the vegetables in the pan with the lid on for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the stock, bring to the boil and simmer for 10 minutes

Remove from heat and using a blender (hand or jug) blend the soup until smooth. Pour into a bowl and enjoy.

My Personal Notes

I decided to double the recipe so I can freeze some to save me time another day. Can I just add that butternut squashes are a pain in the proverbial to peel!!!!

It made enough for 4 people in the end! And its yummy! :-)

Day 3 - Out The Other Side?

Day 3 of the Clear Skin Programme

To view my video diary (filmed BEFORE the post that you are about to read) please click here.

8:01 am

YAAAAYYYYYY! I got through a whole night with no scratching! There is a marked improvement in my eczema. Updated photo on the photos page. Click here to view.

Wow! It's really spurred me on now to continue. I've got a tingling in my right hand as I type that. Psychological?

I changed the recipe slightly again. As you know, I'm drinking the same green juice, three times daily for three days. Today is the last day of that. Well on Monday I did the recipe as instructed but minus the celery. If I'd added that I would never have drank it because it makes me retch, the smell and the taste. So, to replace the celery, I upped the spinach. Yack. I also had to add an unripe avo-piggin-cado (as they've been renamed for the last 4 months!).

Yesterday I did the correct amount of spinach, left out the celery but upped the cucumber. I also had to use an unripe avo-piggin-cado. It was much nicer.

Today, I did the correct amounts (minus the celery) but upped the apple and used a RIPE avo-piggin-cado. Delicious!!!! It tastes so much like my favourite juice the Super Juice. Yummy. Whether it tastes as nice as the day goes on is yet to be seen. I do find flavours change as the day goes on.

Oh and note to self, make sure the blender lid is on straight before filling it with 3 batches and turning it on. I'm still trying to locate places it might have splashed! lol

10:11am

I'm buzzing right now! I've just realised that it is over 12 hours since I last scratched!!!! Having my mid morning fruit snack of pineapple, mango and melon. Mmmmm

12:32 pm

Time for juice number 2. PLEASE let it taste as yummy as this morning....

12:33pm

Brown due to the apples but still tastes yum. I need something to drink juices out of where I can't see the contents. lol

2.32 pm

I just couldn't resist weighing myself....

Well that means I'm halfway to losing what I put on when I was on holiday without my juicer. Yay!

3:48pm

I'm hungry. I've had to reach for a banana. Mmm. One juice left for the day.

I'm on such a high today! Eczema improved, weight loss, mind clear. Yay!

To view my video diary (filmed BEFORE the post that you have just read) please click here.

Day 2 - Jason Vales Clear Skin Programme

Day 2 of the Clear Skin Programme

To view todays video diary please click here

11:16 am

 I'm at my Mums for the day which means things are extra tough because I love her cooking. We're not going home until about 7.30, so it's going to be a long day. I've just visited my Nan who greeted me with the words "I've baked you some of your favourite gonger cake!"

ARGH! Luckily my Nan understands my plight with my eczema so she was fine when I told her what I'm doing.

13:43 pm

I'm hungry. I've had a bowl of raspberries and that's taken the edge off. I've stupidly left drink number 3 at home (I picked up one flask for lunch but forgot tonights. Duh!

4.37 pm

I've had to go upstairs at my Mums and watch TV for an hour. I couldn't bear the smell of the meat cooking. I'd like to say that its because I know it's bad for me, but that's not the reason. Quite simply it's because I'm hungry! Oh the smell of carrots is divine!

I swear my eczema is worse than ever but it was said that it could get worse before it improves.

7.58 pm

Well, I've finally had my last juice of the day. I'm quite embarrassed to admit that I'm looking forward to Blue Sheet Hour. I can't remember if I mentioned it yesterday. If I didn't then it's when I get to cover my body in coconut oil, lie on the bed with my eyes closed and listen to Jason Vales hypnosis CD. Bliss!

I've also uploaded a before photo which you can view on the photos tab above, scrolling down or by clicking here

To view todays video diary please click here

Food for thought...

This was posted on my facebook group today and it struck a chord with me so I thought I'd share it:

"I recently came across this written by Shannon Spaunburg back in 2001. Life is a Journey its called and I think every word written strikes a note with me personally as it sums up the sometimes difficult journey through life that we all experience. Hope you enjoy reading it. :)

Life is a journey filled with lessons, hardships, heartaches, joys, celebrations and special moments that will ultimately lead us to our destination, our purpose in life. The road will not always be smooth; in fact, throughout our travels, we will encounter many challenges.

Some of these challenges will test our courage, strengths, weaknesses, and faith. Along the way, we may stumble upon obstacles that will come between the paths that we are destined to take. In order to follow the right path, we must overcome these obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are really blessings in disguise, only we don't realize that at the time.

Along our journey we will be confronted with many situations, some will be filled with joy, and some will be filled with heartache. How we react to what we are faced with determines what kind of outcome the rest of our journey through life will be like.


When things don't always go our way, we have two choices in dealing with the situations. We can focus on the fact that things didn't go how we had hoped they would and let life pass us by, or two, we can make the best out of the situation and know that these are only temporary setbacks and find the lessons that are to be learned.

Time stops for no one, and if we allow ourselves to focus on the negative we might miss out on some really amazing things that life has to offer. We can't go back to the past, we can only take the lessons that we have learned and the experiences that we have gained from it and move on. It is because of the heartaches, as well as the hardships, that in the end help to make us a stronger person.

The people that we meet on our journey, are people that we are destined to meet. Everybody comes into our lives for some reason or another and we don't always know their purpose until it is too late. They all play some kind of role. Some may stay for a lifetime; others may only stay for a short while.

It is often the people who stay for only a short time that end up making a lasting impression not only in our lives, but in our hearts as well. Although we may not realize it at the time, they will make a difference and change our lives in a way we never could imagine. To think that one person can have such a profound affect on your life forever is truly a blessing. It is because of these encounters that we learn some of life's best lessons and sometimes we even learn a little bit about ourselves.

People will come and go into our lives quickly, but sometimes we are lucky to meet that one special person that will stay in our hearts forever no matter what. Even though we may not always end up being with that person and they may not always stay in our life for as long as we like, the lessons that we have learned from them and the experiences that we have gained from meeting that person, will stay with us forever.

It's these things that will give us strength to continue on with our journey. We know that we can always look back on those times of our past and know that because of that one individual, we are who we are and we can remember the wonderful moments that we have shared with that person.

Memories are priceless treasures that we can cherish forever in our hearts. They also enables us to continue on with our journey for whatever life has in store for us. Sometimes all it takes is one special person to help us look inside ourselves and find a whole different person that we never knew existed. Our eyes are suddenly opened to a world we never knew existed- a world where time is so precious and moments never seem to last long enough.

Throughout this adventure, people will give you advice and insights on how to live your life but when it all comes down to it, you must always do what you feel is right. Always follow your heart, and most importantly never have any regrets. Don't hold anything back. Say what you want to say, and do what you want to do, because sometimes we don't get a second chance to say or do what we should have the first time around.

It is often said that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. It all depends on how one defines the word "strong" It can have different meanings to different people. In this sense, "stronger" means looking back at the person you were and comparing it to the person you have become today. It also means looking deep into your soul and realizing that the person you are today couldn't exist if it weren't for the things that have happened in the past or for the people that you have met. Everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and sometimes that means we must face heartaches in order to experience joy."

Day 1 - Jason Vale Clear Skin Programme

Day 1 of the Clear Skin Programme

1.13pm...

I've filmed the first entry of my video diary which you can view by clicking here

2.02pm...

I'm sat here sipping my second Ultimate Skin Cleanser juice. After 5 hours in the fridge it still tastes the same but is a bit darker in colour. If you've watched the video below, then you will know that I've not put the celery in it. I hate celery with a passion. People keep telling me that if I keep drinking it then I will grow to like it. After four months of testing that theory, I've come to the conclusion that I won't!
For my mid morning snack I had some raspberries. I LOVE raspberries. I think the berries I'm to avoid are strawberries

.

5.27pm...

Oh my God! It's ridiculous! I'm not even at the end of Day 1 and I'm going insane!

I've never done a detox alone before. Hubby has always done it with me. However I'm doing this Clear Skin Programme alone (in this house I mean). Right now, my hubby is cooking chips (yeah Mr Healthy had lapsed somewhat) and paella. It smells heavenly. My stomach is rumbling something chronic. :-(

Just as with the 5/5, my headache is already threatening to hit. This makes resisting the food even harder.

So far today I've had a banana followed by an Ultimate Skin Cleanser, some raspberries, another Ultimate Skin Cleanser and some grapes. Not all at the same time of course!

I've got another Ultimate Skin Cleanser to go but it won't be enough.

Argh the smell of food!!! Just two more days of this, two more days. 

Right, I'm off to listen to the first of the CDs. I completely forgot to do that yesterday! I've bought my coconut oil ready for Blue Sheet Hour later. I must get his other CD copied onto my phone so I can listen to that at the same time. See you tomorrow!

 

To view my video from this morning, please click here.

Day 0 - Jason Vales Clear Skin Programme

Tomorrow I begin the Jason Vale Clear Skin Programme and I'm really excited!!!

My eczema is rubbish again and I'm sorry to say that I'm pinning all my hopes on this. I probably shouldn't, but hey, a bit of optimism never did anyone any harm eh?

Mind you, I pinned a lot of hope on the 5 lb in 5 days (5/5) detox and ended up bitterly disappointed and upset. Not with regards to the weightloss side of it (I lost 6 lb) but because of my eczema. I'd hoped for the same dramatic improvement as on the 7 lb in 7 days (7/7) detox. However, with hindsight I can see the 5/5 had less apples and avocados and I strongly believe they helped before.

I drink a LOT of Super Juice which has apple and avocado in it. I double the avocado too.

Anyway, tomorrow is day 1. I plan on doing a video diary and photos. I'll embed them in my daily post.

I'm writing today's entry via my phone which is why there are no links or photos. To read about the programme visit Jasons site at www.juicemaster.com

On my next entry I'll post the exact links and before photos.

I'm also quite excited because I've discovered a new cream after reading an article in a magazine. (photo at the end of blog entry)

Its called Care Aqueous Emollient Cream (sls free). At present I use Hydromol. It was prescribed to me by a dermatologist over a year ago. It was wonderful and soothing. I also use it as a soap substitute. However it now stings and makes my skin red. I find a cream can be my friend for a year (miracle cream) and then it turns against me. My GP will be pleased because they want me to stop using it because "it costs the NHS too much money" (I get free prescriptions).

Isn't that why I pay National Insurance?